i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blood and glitter go together right?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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