you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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