If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
