I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
