the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
