Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
