she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
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You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
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sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize