I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
