i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
