You made me cry and you don't even care
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
