I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
