and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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