First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
