Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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