i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
