I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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