Say something about gay babies.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
