am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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