don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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