I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
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