A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
