if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
