It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
