I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
tell me about the fingering
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