I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I look better un-naked...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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