the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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