i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
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