You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
