After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
