I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
