I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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