There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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