Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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