Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
