Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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