somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
