dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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