we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
