i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
