he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
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The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
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Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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