lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
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