Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
