he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
