i may or may not be watching the land before time
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
