I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
