My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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