ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
