yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The uberlube is also flammable
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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