it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
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we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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