It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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