Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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