He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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