woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
