five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
