And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
i need some magic done to my vagina
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
