The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
