So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
