fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he fucked my hip out of place.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
