I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
