Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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