jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
