if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
